I can't breathe out the right side of my face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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