I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
