Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
