...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
