i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
