I wish I could teleport
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
