Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
