I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there was a trapeze. enough said
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
