True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
