So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
