I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
