She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
