you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize