This is not my ceiling
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
