Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
