I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
