girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
