Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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