don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
