Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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