omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
