just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it because I queefed?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
