I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
