I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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