well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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