i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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