I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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