No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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