The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
