direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
