matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
