I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
