I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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