you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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