I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
