our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had to cum in my sink.
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