Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
