And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
