I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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