She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
