he puts the penis in happiness.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize