i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
