I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
