im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
