why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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