Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
