i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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