i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
