so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
