Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
