Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
