Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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