Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
