He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
