...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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