i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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