i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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