i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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