Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
