How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
