I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
