Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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