My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
