It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
