im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
