You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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