Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
