i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
