When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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