I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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