His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
