"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
