addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
