I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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