my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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