Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
