i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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